Facing my Fears

Today I had a limited amount of time to accomplish my run in order to fit it in with my other obligations. Since yesterday was a "rest" day (being Yom Kippur), I wanted to maximize my mileage. Therefore, I ran a little faster than I normally would. Rather than experiencing the fatigue that I expected, I was not only able to maintain the pace easily for three miles, but I was able to increase the speed by 1.0 mph for an additional mile.

I found myself wondering why I haven't increased my speed sooner for these easy runs. Instead, I have been maintaining a pace during my easy runs that is significantly (about 2.5 mph) slower than my race pace. Part of the reason I haven't being running faster is I am not sure what constitutes a good "easy" pace for me. While I have a plan for the type and distance of running to do each day, there is no set pace pre-determined based on my ability or past performance, so I estimate.

However, it has been quite clear to me for sometime now that my "easy" pace is definitely easy ... so why haven't I moved up sooner?

The answer that I came up with was that I was/am afraid. Of what? I suppose I am afraid of not being able to run as fast as the mileage I set, of getting tired and not being able to complete a run, of getting hurt, of falling off the treadmill or looking ridiculous, of failing.

These week I am going to accept these fears and increase my pace anyway. We'll see how zippy I can get!

Today's workout:
35 min. run (4.17 mi)
60 min. private yoga session

Keeping Track

I have noticed that lately I have been feeling a little sluggish, unmotivated and slow. When I was adding up my total mileage for the week in my running log, the number was a little low --- my performance has reflected my poor attitude.

Since I have started recording my workouts, both in this blog and in a separate running/cardio log, the added incentive of seeing my progress in print has been a real motivator to keep me going. Even though my numbers were lower this week, seeing that evidence gives me a concrete reason to push harder - rather than an vague feeling that I might not follow up on. Also, knowing that I am going to be recording this information - even if I'm the only one who is looking at it - provides an additional motivator.

My husband wonders why I update the blog everyday, even though I don't promote it or even care if other people read it. The truth is, the blog is really just a tool for me. It's a journal, a way to record my fitness journey. If others are interested, they can read over my shoulder and maybe be inspired to start down their own path to wellness.

Today's workout:

60 min. progression run (6.89 mi)

60 min. yoga

108 Sun Salutations

Today was a special event at my gym, Lifetime Fitness, to promote their (nearly non-existent) yoga program. The idea was to do 108 Sun Salutations - a traditional practice typically done at the spring or autumnal equinox. The number 108 has a variety of signifiers, which can be read about here. Unfortunately, however, this practice typically takes about 2 1/2 - 3 hours, and only one hour and 15 minutes was set aside.

Even with this time limitation, we were able to complete sixty sun salutations (Surya Namaskar A). I thought this might prove to be somewhat physically challenging, but the exertion is no more than a typical sixty minute yoga practice, and somewhat less considering that you spend five breaths in each down dog pose.

The practice was certainly helpful in keeping me focused on the present. As the teacher suggested at the beginning, "There are not 108 Sun Salutations to complete. There is only the Sun Salutation that you are currently doing." Focusing on the breath, listening to my body, staying in the moment.

I also relished this practice because it allowed me to contemplate each asana of the Sun Salutation individually, and get deeper into each one. By continually repeating the same poses, I was able to really figure out which muscles and bones are active, analyze the way my joints are hinging and breathe into each pose differently each time. When I do my Sun Salutations tomorrow, I will be much more aware of my body in each posture.

Today's workout:
60 min. yoga

Living Yoga

Today I received one of my birthday presents: a copy of A Year of Living Your Yoga: Daily Practices to Shape Your Life by Judith Hanson Lasater. I am very excited about this book - it contains daily inspirational thoughts and questions to direct your practice and lead you into living yogic principles. Today's entry really hit home, since it dealt with some of the very issues brought up in Stephen Cope's book that I've also been reading, particularly with accessing "the real".

Lasater's September 25th thought reads:

Give up your attachment to the way you think things are, so you can experience things as they actually are. Living Your Yoga: Our beliefs create a screen between what is and how we want things to be. Yoga is a practice to help us let go of that screen and live authentically. What belief can you let go of today?

The "belief" that I am working on letting go of is something that I just becoming aware of --- my attachment to things. I have become increasingly aware that I enjoy shopping and acquiring new things, whether I need them or not - particularly clothes. Even though I have a full closet, I for some reason feel an urge to get something new. It is as if I am defined by what I wear, what I have.

In Donna Farhi's book Yoga Mind, Spirit and Body, she writes,

"The practice of aparigraha also requires tht we look at the way we use things to reinforce our sense of identity. The executive ego loves to believe in its own power but unfortunately requires a retinue of foot soldiers in the way of external objects such as the right clothes, car, house, job or image to maintain this illusion. Because this executive ego is but an illusion created by our sense of separateness, it requires ever greater and more elaborate strategies to keep it clothed. Although the practice of not grasping may first begin as consciously withdrawing our hand from reaching for external things, eventually the need to reach outward at all diminishes until there is a recognition that that which is essential to us is already at hand."

In my yoga practice and life, I am working on adopting the quality of aparigraha (not grasping), of letting go of my attachment to objects and work on developing my own identity, separate from the things around me.

Today's workout:
50 min. run w/ hill sprints (5.38 mi)
25 min. resistance training
60 min. yoga

Run like a Girl

Tonight I got to volunteer again with Girls on the Run, a terrific organization that promotes self-esteem and healthy living through running.
Prior to running laps, the girls did a relay race were they each wrote down something they were thankful for. This rich activity incorporated all kinds of important lessons - teamwork, cultivating gratitude, taking turns, friendly competition, running warm-up.

Afterwards, they practiced running "alone" --- although we were all running together in the gym, they were not allowed to run "with" someone and no talking was permitted during the actual running. There was some resistance to this, but they were able to do it. While running, the girls were told to focus on their own thoughts.

While we were running, I thought about when I was this age - about 10. What a confusing time! You aren't quite a teenager, nor are you a small child. Your body is growing and sometimes disproportionate, and you are trying so hard to figure out the world around you and how you fit into it. I watched the girls - some were walking, some were taking copious water and bathroom breaks, some were speeding around the track. They are unsure of what they can do, unsure of what they want to do, unsure of what they are supposed to do.

One of the reasons that I am happy to be a part of this organization is that I hope that in a small way, it helps young girls take ownership of themselves, accept and love their bodies, challenge themselves to do something they didn't think they could do. I look forward to watching these girls progress in the next few weeks!

Today's workout:
20 min. stretch
33 min. run (3.34 mi)
40 min. resistance training
60 min. yoga

Diversions...

Since I was able to do both a yoga practice and get my run in this morning, I was able to get downstairs and watch a little TV with my hubby tonight. We watched a new ABC sitcom, Modern Family. While my husband and I watch almost no network TV and very rarely find sitcoms funny (with the exception of The Office), we both thought Modern Family was hilarious! It follows three families, a "traditional" family with a wife, husband and three kids, an older man with a younger wife and her 11-year-old son, and a gay couple who has recently adopted a Vietnamese baby.

If you haven't seen it yet, this show is definitely worth checking out!

Today's workout:
45 min. Fartlek run (5.25 mi)
60 min. power yoga

Today

I really like what David Swenson says in his Primary Series DVD, "Find your progress in each day's practice." I try to remember this maxim not only in yoga, but also in my running training, as well as my life goals too.

Today I had my private yoga session, and here are the areas in which I will focus my practice and look for progress:

• hamstring tightness: Prasarita Padottanasana (Wide-Leg Forward Bend)
• standing balance: Ardha Chandrasana (Half-Moon Pose) and Virabhadrasana III (Warrior III)
• relaxation: Savasana (Corpse)

Today's workout:

30 min. run (3.33 mi)
60 min. private yoga session
60 min. yoga @ home